Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
