What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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