Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
