i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
