even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
