they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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