that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
we made out on top of his cat.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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