I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
