today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
