i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
