I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
