I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
