So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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