she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
