You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
