I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
