there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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