I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
