did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
