and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
is it fun? or sober?
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