Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
