Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
