need another drink. this is the easiest way
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
