what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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