there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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