My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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