dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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