we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize