Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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