Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
