Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't deserve a penis
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize