He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
