We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
