you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
