I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
