Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
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he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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