We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
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He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
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I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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