but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
