Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
