you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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