he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
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I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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