we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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