final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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