My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
