I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
