so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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