They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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