just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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