You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
