am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
