just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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