my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
