Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
