I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
