Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
