the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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