proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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