It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
