I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
