I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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