I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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