I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
