i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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