i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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