filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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