He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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